All the people
I thought were made for me,
All the ones
I thought I’d always keep in touch with,
we fell out.
All the things
that used to hurt,
All the moments
I kept replaying in my head,
All the times
I thought I would always be weak,
I toughened up.
All my friends
I fell in love with and admired,
I’ve distanced myself from.
All the things
I hated about myself,
I am learning to love.
And all the ones
I thought I couldn’t live without,
yet I am still breathing.
Pretty much the body I’d like, thank you…
1. when you told me your interests i spent hours doing research i wanted to become everything you love
2. the first time i touched you, your body burned just like a cigarette and i treated you like a bad habit i told everyone I’d give it up but i could never stay away for long
3. i always need something to do with my hands
4. when i found out you wanted to leave i told you I’d help you pack and i put my heart in your suitcase and i wished you good luck even though i wanted you to fail
5. i tried to destroy everything that reminded me of you then i tried to destroy myself
6. i watched your new love grow while holding a gun to my head
7. the hole my chest grew bigger so i tried to fill it with drugs, short-lived romances, and sad poems
8. i wish i hadn’t given my heart to you— i tried to get it back but there were chains on your fences and large dogs barking outside your door
9. i can no longer write great poems i can no longer write and i think you took that too
10. i still blame you for everything and i know you hate me for it
11. i still had those nightmares and i woke up screaming your name only to be comforted by your ghost and i killed her again
12. twelve months. it’s been twelve months and i’m still writing about you.
do you ever see a picture of someone that you used to be so close to and you just remember every thing you did together and all the things you said you would do together, all the late night conversations or phone calls and remember all the good things and bad things both of you have been through together but then you remember that they’re now just a memory and they’re not in your life anymore
this makes me so sad.
it’s so cold
and I want to sleep
but all I can think of is you