Holy fucking shit(via br0kenn-angel)
I only have a couple days left in colorado and while its bumming me out im pretty excited to go back home. Im excited to start working again and trying to get my own apartment. I also ran out of money here so I really need to go back to work lol.
its over. Me and Deven are finally over. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I blocked him from anything and everything I could think of. I don’t want to see him, talk to him, or hear anything about him. I think it’ll make everything a lot easier if I don’t. So far it has. I don’t love him anymore. I’m pretty sure I hate him actually. It’s a good feeling.
I finally had sex with deven today.
it felt kinda good. I didn’t come tho.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking of him. I dont know why.
One minute I think were gonna get married one day once college is over
The next all I can see is him falling in love with someone else
The only thing I am sure of is how much I want to fuck him
I dont know what to do.
I got my septum pierced today.
All the people
I thought were made for me,
All the ones
I thought I’d always keep in touch with,
we fell out.
All the things
that used to hurt,
All the moments
I kept replaying in my head,
All the times
I thought I would always be weak,
I toughened up.
All my friends
I fell in love with and admired,
I’ve distanced myself from.
All the things
I hated about myself,
I am learning to love.
And all the ones
I thought I couldn’t live without,
yet I am still breathing.
Pretty much the body I’d like, thank you…
1. when you told me your interests i spent hours doing research i wanted to become everything you love
2. the first time i touched you, your body burned just like a cigarette and i treated you like a bad habit i told everyone I’d give it up but i could never stay away for long
3. i always need something to do with my hands
4. when i found out you wanted to leave i told you I’d help you pack and i put my heart in your suitcase and i wished you good luck even though i wanted you to fail
5. i tried to destroy everything that reminded me of you then i tried to destroy myself
6. i watched your new love grow while holding a gun to my head
7. the hole my chest grew bigger so i tried to fill it with drugs, short-lived romances, and sad poems
8. i wish i hadn’t given my heart to you— i tried to get it back but there were chains on your fences and large dogs barking outside your door
9. i can no longer write great poems i can no longer write and i think you took that too
10. i still blame you for everything and i know you hate me for it
11. i still had those nightmares and i woke up screaming your name only to be comforted by your ghost and i killed her again
12. twelve months. it’s been twelve months and i’m still writing about you.